Today, I’m going to discuss in detail a small paragraph in Candy Candy Final Story (CCFS), and many of you might have read this from the spoilers already:
Brother and sister.
Albert and I had been living together pretending so.
Is it like this if I live with my family?
No, it may have been slightly different from family.
I don’t know how to describe it but somewhere inside me, I knew that Albert was special.
What kind of thoughts does Albert have about us …
Argh, he’s driving me crazy …
The Candy Candy fan has done a great job translating this short paragraph about Candy’s feelings for Albert, especially the last line. However, the fan made a minor mistake because Candy mainly used past tense except for the last line. Here is the original text in Japanese for the last several sentences:
うまく説明できないけれど、心のどこかで、アルバートさんは特別な存在なのだ、とわかっていた。
アルバートさんがどう思っていたのか―――
ほんとに、もう、憎らしいったらない……。
If I translate the above word for word, I’d say
Cannot explain well, but somewhere in (my) heart, Albert-san had a special existence, and I understood that.
What sort of thoughts did Albert-san have…
Really, argh, he vexes me beyond description…
This paragraph appears in CCFS after Candy’s recollection of the conversation she had had with Albert after discovering his true identity. Candy then remembered the time when she and Albert had been pretending to be brother and sister, living together for many months. She believed that it was slightly different from living with family members. I want to know how she had arrived at this conclusion because she had never grown up in a real family, but for sure her heart told her that Albert had been special to her even though she couldn’t quite explain that to herself.
When do you think this happened? During his absence in her life? Or after she knew who he really was? I’d like to hear from you. 🙂
At any rate, one can’t ignore that Candy clearly said Albert was special to her (or had a special place in her heart). She compared him to a family member (brother in her case) and acknowledged that something was different. Did she mean he was not just a brother to her? Or what did she exactly mean? 😉
Then Candy wondered what thoughts Albert had about xxx? She didn’t finish that sentence, but there may be a few possibilities. She might be wondering what thoughts Albert had about them, their relationship or her as a lady or a friend. Perhaps she might even wonder if he had similar thoughts like hers, that she was also special to him. 🙄
Anyway, the last sentence is very crucial. It is an expression of strong exasperation. Note that the adjective Candy used, nikurashī (憎らしい), literally means “hateful”. Are you shocked? 😉 Yet, it is a milder version of the related word nikui (憎い), which is very different from a smiliar word, kirai (嫌い). The major difference is that when someone uses kirai, one doesn’t care about what he or she hates (just state the fact and very objective) whereas if the word nikui is used, the person cares about the opponent, so to speak. If you can read Japanese, this page gives very thorough explanations of the differences between nikui and kirai.
For example, you use kirai if you want to tell your friend that you hate bugs. No feeling is involved but this implies you want to stay away from bugs as much as possible.
On the other hand, when someone says she hates her mother, she will use the word nikui if she actually cares about her mother. Sometimes, when one says he hates his rival using the word nikui, he gives an obvious hint that he admires his rival too.
I hope you understand what I’m trying to say here. 😉 Back to the adjective Candy used, nikurashī, it is not as strong as nikui. More importantly, nikurashī can be used in an ironic way to convey that the said person is in fact dear to the speaker, or the speaker’s heart is drawn to that particular person.
A lady often reserves this adjective, nikurashī, for the man whom she loves very much, such as boyfriend or husband. 😉 The closest equivalent in English I can think of is “she’s mad about him” or “she’s crazy about him”. When we say we are crazy about someone or mad about someone, it means that we are actually very fond of that someone, right? 😛
Last but not the least, Candy used the phrase ったらない right after the adjective nikurashī to emphasize that no words could describe it. When this particular phrase is used after an adjective, it essentially means “nothing more … than this” or “as …. as it could possibly be”.
Since Candy used present tense for this last sentence, is it possible that Albert hasn’t yet revealed the details of his feelings for her back then? Who knows? Perhaps she wished she could find out even more about what had gone through his mind back in the old days? 😉 Or she in her thirties suddenly remembers something else about Albert? 😛
It’s unclear why exactly Candy is extremely annoyed at that moment because she didn’t really finish her thought in her previous sentence, 😛 but the adjective she has used implies she actually loves Albert very much. 🙂 In other words, Albert is NOW someone very dear to Candy (Anohito).
Therefore, I think the Candy Candy fan who has translated this last sentence to “he’s driving me crazy…” is indeed brilliant! Bravo! 😀