As promised in Expressions of love, I’ll compare how Candy expressed her feelings towards three important men in her life, in the manga and/or Candy Candy Final Story (CCFS).
Candy’s first crush was Prince on the Hill, and because Anthony had a shocking resemblance to her mysterious prince, Candy fell in love at first sight with Anthony. In CCFS, when Candy first saw Anthony by the rose gate, she was so astonished that she called him “prince”. One day, this fifteen-year-old young man brought this up, and he frankly asked if she liked him because he looked like the prince in her heart. She blurted out,
アンソニー、わたしは……わたしはアンソニーがアンソニーだから好きなの、大好きなの！
She confessed impulsively, telling him that she liked him as Anthony himself. Here she used the words “suki” and “dai-suki” for emphasis (see highlighted words above). Then Candy ran away, leaving Anthony behind. After a flabbergasted moment, he murmured his feelings for Candy to himself, using “suki” and “dai-suki” as well. 🙂
This is similar to the manga scene shown here. Candy had unintentionally confessed her feelings, and as she fled the scene in embarrassment, her heart pounded like a drum. To her, Anthony was dazzling (まぶしい), and she said:
アンソニーがすき……だれよりもアンソニーがすき……
Candy used “suki” to express her love for Anthony. Since the manga was for young girls, Chinese words (kanji) were not always used. Anyway, here Candy claimed:
I love Anthony… more than anyone, I love Anthony…
Do you know that, in the manga, Candy used the same adjective “dazzling” when she inwardly admired Terry in Scotland? Remember when she realized that he really liked Shakespeare’s works? Under the bright sun, he looked dazzling to her.
Hence, we readers understand that she began to fall for him at that moment. 🙂
However, as far as I know, Candy was never able to verbally express her love to Terry. 🙁
In the manga, the first time she realized her true feelings for him was when she arrived at the Port of Southampton too late. Terry had already gone. She sadly cried out in her mind that she loved him, using the word “suki” (highlighted below):
あなたがすき! テリィ……
Likewise, in CCFS, when Candy was rushing to the harbor, she prayed inside the carriage that she would have a chance to tell Terry how much she loved him. Her prayer was:
あなたが好き、と。とてもとても好きなのだ、と。
She said “suki” twice (the kanji highlighted above), and for the second one she stressed her feelings by using totemo (とても) repeatedly, meaning she loved him very, very much.
It’s a known fact that Candy decided to quit school afterwards, without consulting anybody. In CCFS, rather than explaining to her adoptive father in a letter why she had to leave London in a rush, she chose to write all her feelings down in her diary, a gift from Uncle William. Candy wrote the following about her love for Terry (using “dai-suki”):
あなたが大好き、だと。ほかの誰よりも……。
Here, Candy wrote that she really loved Terry, more than anyone else. Sounds familiar? Yes, it’s quite similar to what she had thought about Anthony earlier (shown in the manga scene above).
After that, she left a note on top of her diary for Uncle William so that he could understand her by simply reading her diary.
Many, many months later, after discovering who Albert really was, for some reason, Candy left Chicago and returned to Pony’s Home. I believe not long after she had moved back to the orphanage, she received an invitation letter from Terry’s mother, Miss Eleanor Baker (see Love Triangle (Part 3) for details). Candy cordially declined Miss Baker’s offer to see Terry’s performance as Hamlet. Then Candy also wrote a letter to Terry (not intending to send it though), and at the end, she added one more line:
P.S. テリィ…… 好きでした。
She wrote, “P.S. Terry… I loved you.”
Yes, Candy used past tense here. Compared to what she had written in her diary, her sentiment wasn’t as intense as it had been. Besides, she sounded much less emotional in this unsent letter (for more details of its content please read Love Trianlge (Part 2)). Undoubtedly, when Candy wrote this letter, Terry belonged to her past already. Gone was her passion for him. No wonder my friend QuevivaCandy calls this letter a “goodbye” letter. 😛
As a matter of fact, when I first got the CCFS novels in my hand, I was surprised that Candy only used “suki” in this letter to Terry. Didn’t Candy have the freedom to write in all honesty? I mean she wasn’t going to send it, so nobody would read it, right? 😉
So I thought Candy would have used the deep word “ai” (愛) for Terry as in the famous manga scene attached in the post Second farewell. In that scene, Candy said in her mind that she used to love Terry (yes, past tense was used).
However, if I’m not mistaken, in CCFS, Candy had always used “suki” (好き) or “dai-suki” (大好き) for Terry and Anthony.
In that case, do you think Mizuki had changed her mind when writing CCFS? That Mizuki didn’t let Candy use the deep word “ai” (愛) for her teenage love for Terry? 🙄
As explained in Expressions of love, the word “ai” (愛) is not supposed to be used casually. Therefore, in CCFS, Candy had rarely used this heavy word “ai” (愛) except when she talked about Susanna’s love for Terry (in her recollections, in her unsent letter to Terry, etc.). Candy also mentioned “ai” (愛) in some places, but she had never said this deep word to anyone directly, except in her last letter to Albert in CCFS epilogue. 🙂
I have mentioned this particular letter in various posts already. It is filled with tender feelings and appreciation, and you can tell Candy was indeed happy when she wrote this letter to her prince, also known as Little Bert to her now. Not only that, she ended her letter this way:
愛と感謝をこめて
This is a well known phrase from the CCFS spoilers, meaning, “with love and gratitude”. 🙂
Regrettably, the nuance is lost in translation. The phrase wokomete (をこめて) implies “with all”. For example, if the word “heart” is used instead of “love and gratitude”, the entire sentence is translated as “with all my heart” or simply “wholeheartedly”. If you like, please click the link for more examples.
Therefore, Candy essentially meant that she wrote this long letter with all her love (愛) and gratitude, to whom? To Prince on the hill, her first crush! 😀
Yet, a reader told me that some people brushed off its significance by saying that Candy used “ai” (愛) because Albert was her family (her adoptive father), but how do they explain why Candy had never written “ai” (愛) to Albert until now? 😉 Not to mention Candy used this word whenever she referred to Susanna’s love! Hence, using “ai” (愛) is not limited to family members only, and it implies a much deeper and broader sense of love.
In any case, my reader and I strongly believe that something must have happened that Candy was absolutely certain of Albert’s deep feelings for her (I will talk more about this in another post), and because of that, she mustered all her courage to respond to him by writing such a word of devotion in her letter to him. It was no less than a love declaration, don’t you think? 🙂 Don’t forget Albert had read Candy’s diary, and he was fully aware how she had described her love for Terry.
Last but not the least, I have a hunch this is one of the reasons why Candy said near the end of her love letter that she probably wouldn’t be able to sleep that night. I guess she was dying to know how Albert would react when he received her letter. I can almost imagine his shock. 😛
Now, isn’t it obvious who Anohito is? 😉