The person I love…

I’ve been preoccupied lately, so thanks for your patience! I’m actually in the middle of writing one long post, but in the meantime, this is to clarify things because my recent posts have caused some confusions. Some of you have contacted me in private, and some left comments on my posts. I appreciate all your feedback, but rather than answering you individually, I think I might as well respond in a new post. 🙂

As mentioned in both Expressions of love and A love declaration, Candy didn’t use the strong word 愛 “ai” frequently. I think some of you have misunderstood my posts. Note that I did point out Candy only used it directly to Albert once in her letter to him. I’m not saying she never used the word 愛 “ai”  with regard to Terry. In Candy Candy Final Story (CCFS), as far as I know, Candy didn’t tell Terry face to face or in writing using the word 愛 “ai”. She did express her strong affection for him in her diary and in her thoughts (using 好き “suki” or 大好き “dai-suki”). I won’t repeat myself again, so please click the links above to read my previous posts if you like.

Indeed, there were two passages in which Candy used the word 愛 “ai” in CCFS concerning Terry. First, in Volume 2, p. 236, Candy in her retrospection, recalled the time when Susanna had attempted to commit suicide. Candy wrote:

どちらが深くテリィを愛していたかなんて比べることはできないと思う。

I highlighted the verb 愛 “ai” (in past tense) above. She was saying “I think it’s impossible to compare who loved Terry deeper.”

I must say I’ve never doubted Candy’s feelings for Terry in her youth; she was crazy enough to be stowaway just because she wanted to return to America as soon as possible. However, here, she said it was impossible to compare her love with Susanna’s love for Terry. Why?

I firmly believe Candy would have rescued Terry if she had been in Susanna’s place (even though she said to Terry in the hospital that she wouldn’t have saved him like Susanna had done). If Candy saw something dangerous was about to happen to Terry, she would have pushed him away out of her love for him, just like the time Albert had shielded Candy from the lion’s claws.

So why did Candy say it was impossible to compare? 🙄

Because the depth of love can’t be measured in units. How can one tell with certainty if s/he loves a person more than the other does? In general, there is not a concrete measurement or standard to prove one’s love is stronger than the other’s. For example, nobody compares a father’s love to a mother’s love for the children. The comparison is basically meaningless.

Agree? 🙂

We often say actions speak louder than words. As much as Candy loved Terry back then, she realized the intensity of Susanna’s love for Terry because of her grave injury (again in Volume 2, p. 236):

けれど—— スザナはわたしが思っていたよりも、もっと重傷だったのだ。
そして、わたしが思っていたより、もっとテリィを愛していることがわかった。

Literally, Candy said Susanna’s injury was more serious than expected, and Candy understood Susanna’s love for Terry was more than expected (愛 “ai” was highlighted above).

My interpretation is that no matter what Candy would do to Terry, her actions would be overshadowed by Susanna’s sacrifice. In short, Candy accepted the fact that she would never measure up to Susanna because her disability was permanent.

Once again, this is merely my interpretation. 🙂

Moreover, you might not know that 好き “suki” is in fact an adjective even though we translate it to “like” or “love” depending on context. Literally, it means likable or desirable. Hence, 大好き “dai-suki” simply means “very desirable”. Technically, it will be clumsier to write “it is impossible to compare who loved him deeper” using 好き “suki”. Plus, whenever Candy wrote about Susanna’s feelings for Terry, she always used 愛 “ai”.

Now, where else in CCFS did Candy use 愛 “ai” with regard to Terry? It’s in her mental letter to Anthony (Volume 2, p.327), the last letter in the epilogue:

そのひとによって、わたしは、愛するという感情が多様だということを知りました。

Literally, Candy said to Anthony “from that person, I learned there are a variety of feelings/emotions that are called love.”

In other words, Candy told Anthony that from Terry (for some reason, she didn’t tell Anthony his name in the entire letter), she learned about different kinds of emotions. Here, although the word 愛 “ai” was used, it is used in a general sense. The emphasis was on the word 感情 (かんじょう), which means emotions, feelings, sentiments, etc.

This reminds me of the quote:

“There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.” -The Great Gatsby

Do you think Candy was crazy only with Terry? What about her frantic search for Albert in Rockstown? How about her proposal to live with Albert so that she could take care of him? She wasn’t as naive as you think, and when she was fired by Dr. Leonard, she implied the people had dirty minds.

What’s more, in the same letter to Anthony, Candy said she had thought she wouldn’t love anyone else (using 好き “suki” here) as much as she loved Anthony. Then she said that she had been strongly attracted to someone in London who looked like Anthony:

ロンドンでわたしはあなたと似たひとに強く惹かれてしまいました。

She finished the sentence with しまいました,which means that she didn’t intend for this to happen. I guess back then she was supposed to be mourning for Anthony’s death still, but she was inadvertently attracted to another guy. Here, Candy didn’t even use 好き “suki” concerning the unnamed guy (i.e. Terry).

In CCFS, there are at least two more places Candy wrote 愛 “ai”:

(1) Volume 1, p. 232: 愛するひとと暮らしているんですもの……。

(2) Volume 1, p. 224: 愛するひとと生きていくこと——。

In (1), Candy still dreamed of Anthony from time to time, even after getting married. In her dream, Anthony said to her that certainly she wore a smiling face. She answered, “Of course, Anthony. Because I live with the person I love”.  In (2), she was talking about Anthony’s fatal accident, and she said her requirement to be happy was “to live with the person I love”.

I’ve attached links to the verbs above because in (1), it implies she got along or spent time with. In (2), it simply means living together. Candy also used the same verb shown in (1) when she recalled the time she had lived with Albert in the House of Magnolia. Likewise, the same verb in (1) was used in Susanna’s obituary; it was written that Terry and Susanna had lived together, engaged but not officially married.

Some people know that in an interview Mizuki used the noun 恋 “koi”, which means romance, for both Anthony and Terry, and 愛 “ai” for Albert.

The word 恋 “koi” has a different connotation when compared to 愛 “ai”. The word 恋 “koi” often refers to a love for a crush, so people often associates 恋 “koi” with young love. On the other hand, 愛 “ai” refers to a mature, lasting kind of love. Ideally, a married couple has this kind of devoted love for each other.

From what Candy told Anthony in her dream in CCFS, you see she loved her husband (Anohito), and Candy used the verb form of 愛 “ai”. 🙂

Mizuki also said in that same interview about Candy and Albert:

«＜好き、恋、愛＞。アルバートさんへの深い愛が＜恋＞にいつ育つのか…»

Mizuki said “<Affection, Romance, Love> When will Candy’s deep love for Albert grow into romance…”

In other words, back in that interview, Mizuki left a hint that Candy would develop her deep love for Albert into romance… 🙂 Usually, the love between a couple evolves from 恋 “koi” to 愛 “ai”, but for Albert and Candy, it goes the other way. They began as friends, then close friends with a strong bond, then eventually became a couple. In other words, they were best friends as well as lovers 恋人 “koibito”. 😀

For your interest, I have discussed this Mizuki’s interview and Candy’s three loves in detail in the post, Love grew into romance.

Found the adorable chibi fanart by Duendepiecitos that fits my post just perfectly! Hope you like it too! 😀

 

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Below is my response to Grecialica’s long comment:

First, I don’t doubt Candy’s feelings for Terry back in that time, but as explained above, she hadn’t had a chance to directly express her feelings to him.

Also, I’ve never said that the attached manga scene was in CCFS, but Susanna must have somehow confessed her love to Terry such that he was fully aware of her love for him. Otherwise, he didn’t have to give up Candy for Susanna, and later they even got engaged (either out of honor or responsibility). He could have simply supported Susanna financially as many have pointed out.

I agree with you about Terry’s feelings for Susanna at that point in time, that his heart actually belonged to Candy, but it didn’t necessarily mean he wasn’t flattered by Susanna’s love confession. Not even a bit? How can you be so sure? 😉 He was human after all, and she was a beautiful talented actress, also rising in fame and popularity just like Terry himself.

In the manga, yes Terry and Candy had begun exchanging letters to each other around that time. However, in CCFS, Volume 2, p. 275, Candy wrote to Terry in her unsent letter that nearly all her letters to him hadn’t reached him. Because Susanna had kept them (Volume 2, p. 218). Nonetheless, despite being busy, Terry did send Candy many letters. Yet, Candy complained Terry had always teased her in his writing, and that she wished to have more romantic letters from him although she believed she knew his heart.

Besides, I think you have misunderstood my point. Susanna didn’t ignore Candy’s existence. Susanna said to Terry during her love confession that she hadn’t known about Candy’s existence until the charity performance in Chicago. Since that charity performance, she had begun suspecting that Candy was her love rival, and that was why she kept one Candy’s letter to “confront” Terry (shown in the manga). Granted, Terry was a private person, but he was undoubtedly socially impaired even among his co-workers in Stratford. You’re right that Terry didn’t have to tell everyone about having a special girl in his heart. I totally agree, but he should try to clarify the rumors about him and Susanna. The tabloids had been speculating them being a couple, so after the accident, people automatically assumed Terry would marry Susanna. In CCFS, Annie said she had figured out why Candy had to break up with Terry after reading the tabloids about Susanna’s accident, so she wrote to Candy asking her not to give up Terry so easily, remember?

If you think Terry couldn’t care less about the gossips, then at the very least he could keep a distance from Susanna. Yet, during Susanna’s love confession in the manga, judging from her words it was apparent that Terry hadn’t avoided her. As a result, she had even begun fostering a false hope of her future with Terry, but her dream had shattered at the sudden appearance of a pretty girl named Candy from Chicago. I think if Terry had been more discreet, perhaps Susanna wouldn’t have believed she might have a chance.

About Terry not contacting Candy, I completely understood what you said. However, back in my earlier post, Her happiness, I’ve already said that Terry could have at least left a promise in his brief note that he would contact Candy one day, but all he did was telling Candy where he was heading and wishing her happiness wherever he was. This remains the same in CCFS (Volume 2, pp. 134-135). Poor Candy heard absolutely nothing from Terry for around nine months, and you think this is fair to her? To be honest, I think Terry wasn’t being considerate at all. If indeed she was his everything, wasn’t he at least curious what was going on in her life after he had left London? Furthermore, if Terry cared so much about being a MAN first before approaching Candy, the adopted daughter of a very wealthy family, then why had he forced a kiss on her back then? At any rate, he knew her feelings very well, so the fact that he had abruptly left her in the dark and in despair for so many months was inexcusable.

About Terry’s letter to Candy that he hadn’t changed, for your interest, please read my old post, Ambiguous letter.

Now, let me quote your own words. If back in that era by simply exchanging letters with each other means that they were officially boyfriend and girlfriend, then what about Albert and Candy? They exchanged long, heartfelt letters too, all shown in the epilogue. Albert was very sincere and didn’t tease Candy at all, unlike Terry. Not only that, his letters moved her to tears. You might say it’s different because he was her legal guardian. That’s valid, but they began their correspondence after he had disclosed his last secret to her, that he was her Prince on the Hill (POTH).

I suppose you know who POTH was and how important POTH was to Candy. Albert was also fully aware of that because Candy had told him many times about POTH and even shown him her treasured badge (Volume 2, pp. 293-294). That was why Albert himself admitted that it was an important confession. Not to mention Candy said to Albert in her letter that she was nervous because she was writing to her prince (Volume 2, p. 291). Need I say more? 😉

Finally, about “love and gratitude”, if I understand you correctly, you’re essentially saying “children often write with love and gratitude to parents”. Hence, writing “with love and gratitude” means the letter recipient is the parent of the writer.

Have you studied critical thinking before? 🙂

This is a common logical fallacy known as “affirming the consequent“:
If A, then B.
B.
Therefore A.

Click the link for more examples if you like. 🙂

If you insist Candy was writing to her guardian, that it’s a common practice for children to end their letters to parents this way, then please explain why Candy had never ended her letters to Albert with love (愛 “ai”) before until the last letter to him in the epilogue? 🙄

As a matter of fact, I had talked to a Japanese friend before writing the posts about love expressions. This friend told me it was A BIG DEAL for Candy to end her letter to Albert with love (愛 “ai”) because they weren’t related in blood as parent and child. Albert was too young to be Candy’s father, and she must have pondered over the consequence beforehand and summoned all her courage to venture out, writing the word 愛 “ai”. She also added gratitude because Albert himself said in his previous letter to her that he could never thank her enough.

Here are some of the reasons I can think of off top of my head at this moment why I believe Candy loved Albert as a man by then:

• Candy never grew up with Albert as his adoptive daughter, unlike Annie and her adoptive parents (Brightons)
• Albert was never a father figure to Candy
• Candy used to regard Albert as her brother, but later she realized he was special to her
• Albert was her Prince on the Hill, her first crush
• Candy wrote to Albert twice that she couldn’t sleep because of him
• Candy called Albert “Little Bert”, a very cute nickname for small kids, several times in this letter
• Candy promised she would never let Albert bear anything (Judy Abbott in “Daddy-Long-Legs” said something along this line in her love letter to Master Jervie [1])
• Candy was completely aware Albert was upset that she had teased him as “adoptive father”; he reminded her of her promise of not letting him bear again
• Candy plainly said in her letter of love and gratitude that she was grateful to her parents for abandoning her so that she could meet Albert

About the last point, do you know it’s an implicit way to tell the person you love him or her? Why else would she say “I’m so glad to have met you” to Albert? Candy said “I was glad to meet you” to Anthony in her letter to Anthony too, remember?

Thanks for reading my long post. Have a wonderful day / night, everyone! 🙂

Footnote [1]: Judy Abbott wrote “I shall never let you be sorry for a single instant.” 🙂