Jan 12 2015

Conflicting Emotions (Part 1)

A while ago, a friend gave me the link to a special post of a Japanese blog, in which it shows some famous artworks of the manga artist, Yumiko Igarashi, in her art museum (いがらしゆみこ美術館). For those who haven’t heard of her, she was the illustrator of the manga version of Candy Candy. I was told that she designed the characters of Candy Candy too. Of all the illustrations shown on this post, the one below caught my attention at once.

Igarashi drawings in mangaThese manga scenes (magnified to roughly ten times larger approximately?) were two significant episodes in Candy’s life. The one on the right shows the time when Candy was desperately chasing the fast moving train because she wanted to say goodbye to Terry, who was leaving Chicago with his crew. The other drawing was the instant when Candy shockingly realized who Albert really was. She had been with her enigmatic benefactor all along without knowing it.

These two illustrations being displayed side by side in a corner actually conveys a vivid contrast between Terry and Albert. Both were important to Candy, no doubt, and yet do you remember how many times Candy had chased after Terry but failed? Please read Second farewell for details. Ultimately, it was a hopeless pursuit; Terry chose Susanna over Candy in the end, despite himself. On the other hand, no matter how far apart Albert and Candy were, somehow they would cross paths again.

Have you ever questioned why Albert didn’t reveal his identity to Candy sooner? After regaining his past memory, he could have told her the truth. Couldn’t he trust her that his secret would be safe with her? After all, she was good at pretending (for a long time their neighbors actually believed they were siblings).

However, not only Albert continued to live incognito with Candy, but he had deliberately hidden his recovery from her, which was a mystery to Candy, as explained in Love Triangle (Part 7). Nevertheless, Candy didn’t ask Albert why until after knowing that he was her prince. Albert wrote a very long letter to explain himself, as shown in the spoilers below:

… I got a terrible headache and lost my consciousness.
When I came to — I was my former self again.
Albert … William Albert Ardray.
I should have told you at once, but I couldn’t.
I’m still feeling sorry about it.
Candy, also I didn’t want to get away from that heart-warming life.
I knew I would lose my freedom for once and for all, if I returned to the Ardray and took up the head of the family. And I knew it was too selfish to still want it…

Interestingly, while Albert continued the heartwarming life with Candy, living on the outskirts of Chicago, he did resume part of his former life. His men, dressed in black suits, came every day to pick up their young boss for work. In other words, Albert didn’t inform Candy of his recovery at once not because he refused to return to his real self, but because he didn’t want to leave Candy’s side nor lose her as a friend. First of all, obviously, Candy was still grieving for her loss of Terry, so Albert possibly wanted to keep her company.

But there were more to that. In the manga, we can see more than once that Albert was aware that he had no reason to live together with Candy anymore once he recovered from amnesia, and he didn’t seem particularly excited about that. Hence, his recovery would mark the end of the living arrangement with Candy, unless he revealed the secret behind the adoption to her. In that case, he could invite her to go “home” with him, but Albert chose not to do that. In his earlier letter to Candy when he said he didn’t blame her for being angry, he said he had intended to watch over her as a friend after the adoption, not guardian. Hence, by not telling her his true identity, he could keep their friendship.

In addition, I guess he didn’t know what to do with his feelings for her yet. He probably hadn’t realized that he had fallen in love with her until he regained his past memory. Her smiling face was the first image that had popped up in his mind at that very moment. That’s plausibly the major reason why he couldn’t relate their legal relationship to her. Even months later, when he decided to leave Candy on a snowy night, he still kept his identity a secret from her. In his departure letter, he said he could finally let her know that he had recovered for a while already.

After that night, Albert seemed to be intentionally avoiding Candy for two months or longer (based on the manga). Why didn’t he leave a way (a mailing address for example) for her to contact him? Or, he could at least show up once in a while to keep in touch with her, but he had disappeared completely, except sending her a parcel from a remote town called Rockstown. The plot in Candy Candy Final Story (CCFS) is similar. For many nights, Candy couldn’t sleep very well, worrying about Albert, even though she knew he had recovered.

What had made Albert resolve to vanish in Candy’s life? This was seemingly against his nature. He was always there for her when she needed him, right? What had happened to him? I strongly believe Albert was in hiding, dealing with his conflicting emotions. His head was telling him loud and clear who Candy was, but his heart couldn’t quite handle this fact.

On the other hand, as much as Candy missed Albert and wanted to find him (in Candy’s letter to Miss Eleanor Baker, Candy said she had gone to Rockstown to find a missing person), there was no way she could track him down unless he was ready to meet with her again. That’s why Candy said the following in her recollection at present (from CCFS spoilers):

But I must be grateful for Neal.
Because of his caprice, Georges disobeyed Granduncle’s orders.

While fate had been against Candy and Terry at every turn, fate had been in Albert’s favor. The invisible threads that tied Candy and Albert together essentially led her back to him. They reunited in Lakewood, and both were shocked for different reasons. What do you think? 🙂 Please read Part 2 for more.


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    • CKati on February 5, 2015 at 2:03 pm
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    Dear Ms Puddle,
    I checked the Japanese blog. How I regret that I can’t speak and read Japanese. :/
    I did however enjoy the art etc.
    It was no coincidence that these two drawings were put next to each other. It illustrates perfectly what is meant to be. You, and the readers of this blog, described it perfectly 🙂

    1. CKati, though I know some basic Japanese, this blogger seemed to have used abbreviations a lot that I can’t understand much either. It’s too bad isn’t it?

      Igarashi is a talented artist, no doubt. I still think the way she drew Albert lying down on the grass, napping, was perfectly done. There’s a poem by Mizuki that goes with this illustration, but I can’t find it anymore. 🙁

    • Antlay on January 14, 2015 at 12:03 pm
    • Reply

    Bonjour Ms Puddle

    Et bien je suis d’accord avec tout ce que vous avez dit mesdames.
    Il y a effectivement un contraste saisissant avec les deux dessins. Candy a passé son temps à courir après Terry, en Angleterre le bateau s’éloigne, à la maison de Pony après la visite de Terry, à Chigaco à la sortie du théâtre et le lendemain après le train sauf à New-York et Rockstown où c’est elle qui décide de partir.
    Albert lui apparaît à chaque fois comme par magie au moment où elle en a le plus besoin mais à l’hopital de Chicago c’est lui qui a besoin d’elle pour la première fois.
    Oui ces fameux fils invisbles qui unissent deux personnes destinés l’une à l’autre dont vous nous avez déjà parlé Ms Puddle. Oui j’y crois fermement, je ne crois pas au hasard. Nous sommes tous destinés à une personne en particulier, le plus difficile est de la trouver ! Nous sommes tous capables d’aimer des personnes complètement différentes, qui ne se ressemblent pas mais il y en a forcément une qui nous correspond vraiment, une sorte d’alchimie, comme Candy et Albert…

    1. You’re so right, Antlay dear! Not only many times Candy had chased after Terry, but he was totally unaware of the fact. Inside the hospital of New York, it was Candy who decided to leave Terry for good (very reluctantly, but not really a break-up to me… they were never really together in the first place). She remained steadfast with her decision even seeing Terry again in Rockstown even though he was in a miserable state. In a sense, Terry had no influence on her anymore.

      Well said about Albert needed Candy for the first time when he became amnesiac, and he admitted that in his letter to her that he had intended to watch over her in secret, but who could predict that she had been the one who had taken care of him later. 😆

    • Agnès on January 14, 2015 at 3:01 am
    • Reply

    Dear Ms Puddle,

    I completely agree with you all!
    I can’t imagine the inner fight of Albert when he recovered his memory and figured out that he was in love with his “protégée”, because I think he fell in love with her when he was amnesiac. It takes a while to handle this kind of things! 🙂

    About the drawings, I think it’s not a chance if the both are side by side. The right one shows separation between Terry and Candy, a goodbye which sums up pretty well their entire history! It On the contrary, the left one shows us reunion between Albert and Candy, the beginning of the story between Albert as William Albert Ardley and Candy. For me it’s a clue of Iragashi’s choice! 😉 🙂 😀

    I’ve always wondered why Candy and Terry have waited so long to meet each other? I mean between this failed meeting in Chicago and the “Première” of “Romeo and Juliette” in NYC. Why they hadn’t strived to arrange themself a rendezvous before, as Martha, Patty’s grandmother has suggested to Candy to do it in Pittsburgh? I know they were both busy and the trip Chicago-New York took time in the beginning of nineteenth century but then? Nothing is impossible for two in love!

    1. Dear Agnès, yes, I do agree with you that Albert had fallen in love with Candy while he was still amnesiac… remember the episode when Candy grumbled that she wouldn’t be a good wife? He said inwardly to himself that to him she would be a great wife. I think he was already in love but possibly didn’t realize it yet…

      Very well said about the hidden meanings behind the drawings being put side by side!! That’s exactly what I thought too. 😀 😛 😉 Anyway, I think I have mentioned in an old post that for unknown reason neither Terry nor Candy made an effort to reunite with each other sooner. While Terry took the first step by sending a letter to Candy, he stayed in New York for his rising career. On the other hand, Candy could have left Chicago and relocated to New York, but she remained in Chicago. By the time she received a letter from Terry (at least a week or so had elapsed in between?), Albert suddenly showed up in her hospital as an amnesiac patient. It’s fate, isn’t it? 🙄

        • Agnès on January 17, 2015 at 4:05 am
        • Reply

        Dear Ms Puddle,

        I see we have the same feelings, 😉 🙂 I haven’t read all your posts because of lack of time 🙁
        Indeed, Candy could have relocated to New York where are hospitalss too! 😉 but she couldn’t leave Albert, I think it’s the true reason, you’re right, it’s fate! Candy and Alberts are as two magnets! :D, no matter if they are apart for a while, they always reunite, eventually! 🙂

        I know “The diary” and the first chapter of “It must have been love” are translated in French, but what else? Could you tell me please?

        1. Dear Agnès, bonjour!

          Don’t worry about not reading all my posts!! I can hardly believe I have written this many lol… 😉 😛

          Yes indeed. For some reason, Albert was so important to Candy that she couldn’t just leave him, alone, homeless, and without memory. Now I wonder, if Susanna hadn’t lost her leg, would Terry ask Candy to stay in New York (that was his plan, wasn’t it?)? If so, would Candy stay? I don’t know… 😉

          You’re right about the French translation of my stories. Thanks for your interest! I plan to post “It must have been love” in early February. 🙂

            • Agnès on January 17, 2015 at 1:04 pm
            • Reply

            Would Candy stay? My own question exactly! 😉 We know it was Terry’s intention because he sent her one way ticket! But it was before Susanna’s injury!… But I think fate is fate! 😉

            Good news for french fans! 😀 Many thanks! I’m sure they will enjoy it! And then I will re-read it, no doubt!

              • Ms Puddle on January 17, 2015 at 3:09 pm

              Thank you, Agnès, for your interest in re-reading my stories! That’s my honor indeed!

              True, fate is fate. 😉 I also wonder if Candy understood the hidden meaning behind the ‘one-way ticket’. She probably didn’t… If she did, she would probably ‘inform her roommate’ first. 😛

    • Reeka on January 12, 2015 at 4:35 pm
    • Reply

    When it’s meant to be yours, it’s yours eventually. 🙂

    Hi, Ms Puddle! This post and particularly Igarashi’s picture somewhat reminded me again about no matter how much Albert and Candy denied their feelings, Universe would conspire again and again to unite them.

    While I agree with you and Queviva Candy that when Albert regained his memory he intended to tell her about it, I think he had not been planning to tell her som secret yet. Afterall, he was always mysterious to her. Come and go like a wind. Like you both said, he internally struggled about his feeling to her, so he needed to buy some time.

    However, Candy was one of his reasons he resumed his position as Patriarch of Ardley, beside his guilt to Aunt Elroy & George. Either he thought he might forget his feeling by re-positioning himself as her guardian, or he needed to fix few things before bringing Candy back to the family.

    Back to Igarashi’s pictures,
    Don’t you think that’s a hidden message about those picture? Do you think she deliberately put both pictures side by side to tell us about Candy’s true love? 🙂

    1. Yes indeed, Reeka dear! No matter how much Albert tried to deny his feelings, his loyal assistant saw through him and sent his beloved back to him. 🙂

      You’re so right that Candy was one of the reasons Albert returned to resume his position in the family. You read my mind, dear. I’ll actually talk more about that in part 2. 😉

      By putting these two pictures together in a corner, Igarashi did seem to imply something, and that’s why I was inspired to write this post. 🙂

        • Reeka on January 12, 2015 at 6:44 pm
        • Reply

        Hahahaha why I am not so surprised that you would say : I’ll talk about it in next post. ^_^

        Something about Albert was aware about his power as Patriarch also came to my mind as a reason. I believe he never had been a person who liked to use his authority to his personal benefit, until that point of his life. With him finally taking his position as Patriarch, none would dare to touch Candy.

          • Quevivacandy on January 12, 2015 at 6:48 pm
          • Reply

          you both are miles ahead of me… :p lol… but I learn from you a lot… 😀

          1. Nah, don’t be too modest, Ana dear! You have great imagination in your story too 🙂

            • Reeka on January 12, 2015 at 11:06 pm
            • Reply

            What? Heheheh how come you’re miles behind when you made me crying with your last chapter of Memoir of Mrs Ardley/Andrew ( i think it’s the title in english, right? )

        1. Yup exactly, Reeka! You should know me by now. 😉

          Also, interestingly, every time Albert used his power behind the scene was about Candy, adopting her, sending her to a prestigious school, etc. 😛

    • Quevivacandy on January 12, 2015 at 11:30 am
    • Reply

    What can I say? I agree with you! when he recovered his memory, inmediatly he began to work in his ‘real’ life but kept living with Candy. I have the feeling that at the beginning he planned to left her and tell her the truth but when he saw her extended on the newspapers, that stopped him. After that, he stayed in the apartment, for how long? apparently over a year after that or at least a year.

    But what I want to say is if he was already working in the family business while he was still living with her, why to hide himself when he left her? I guess he didn’t know how to face the truth and less how to behave in front of her.

    Igarashi’s scenes are so significants but as you said, in the story we can see Candy and Terry fighting hard to be together but never achieving it and in the other hand, Albert trying to hide from Candy and because for a suddenly event, when she wasn’t looking for him but Uncle William, they reunited. Their paths were always crossing, their first met, the cascade, london (even I guess he has something to do with that), the hospital and then, Lakewood.

    They were predestined to be together, and because of that, at the end, they had to face their feelings. Hmmm… I guess now I’m lost in my inner thoughts, lol….

    1. Dear QuevivaCandy, I agree with you, my friend, that Albert didn’t know how to handle the truth or behave in front of Candy. She had been a close friend all this time, and all of a sudden, she became his “legal daughter”.

      I also feel that Albert planned to inform Candy of his recovery when he was on his way home. He looked pretty upset, didn’t he? 😉 Yet, her sadness over Terry made Albert change his mind. We don’t really know how long he had stayed with Candy after that in CCFS… sigh.

      It’s so true that Terry and Candy weren’t meant to be together. In fact, they hadn’t tried hard enough to fight either. 😉 On the other hand, Albert attempted to hide from Candy, but she was led back to him because of Neil. Like you said, they crossed paths again and again, in many places.

      You’re so right… they had to deal with their inner feelings, and I’ll talk more about that in part 2. 😛

  1. […] Conflicting Emotions (Part 1) […]

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