Her happiness

When Terry decided to leave England, he left a note for Candy as shown in the manga here. He addressed her as someone considerate or thoughtful (心ある), telling her he quit school and headed to America for his dream. Before he ended, he wished her happiness.

Literally, he said, “Wherever I am, I pray for your happiness.”

These words kept ringing in her ears. Apparently, he was in pursuit of his dream, so this was essentially a ‘farewell’ note. Needless to say, his action broke her heart.

You see, Terry was fully aware of Candy’s feelings for him, and of all the fellow students in St. Paul’s Academy, Candy was the only one who had ever received special attention from him. He had stolen a kiss from her, hadn’t he? After what they had gone through all this time, in particular the happy moments in Scotland, was this simple note the only thing she got from him?

If I were her, I would have cried my eyes out. 🙁

Candy was at a loss. Terry left in such a rush as though he couldn’t wait any longer. Didn’t he care about her feelings? Why didn’t he bid her a proper goodbye or think twice before leaving England? Not to mention there was no promise whatsoever that he would come back to her. She didn’t know where exactly he was heading. Would they ever meet again?

The only certainty is that he would wish her happiness wherever he went.

Yes, he wished her happiness, but he had no intention to make her happy himself, or he didn’t think he was the one who could make her happy? 🙄 Nevertheless, at this point in his life, Terry didn’t plan to involve Candy in whatever he wanted to do, at least not yet.

But poor Candy had fallen in love with Terry, and she chased after him all the way to the harbor. Regrettably, she was too late, and yet she wouldn’t give him up just like that. She decided to return to America, and she wrote her innermost feelings down in her diary before leaving it to the care of her adoptive father. For your interest, please read Love Triangle (Part 2) about the content of this diary.

When Terry became a successful actor nearly two years later, he was ready to receive Candy in New York, but unfortunately it turned out to be their real farewell. Candy went all the way to reunite with Terry only to give him up to Susanna, a beautiful actress who needed Terry more. Candy even promised Susanna not to see Terry again, as explained in her letter to Miss Baker, Terry’s mother.

Many Candy Candy fans hate Susanna, but come to think of it, Terry himself let Candy go. He had obviously pondered over this since the accident, and when Candy decided to leave, he didn’t even try to convince her otherwise. In fact, his last words to Candy were once again about her happiness (from Candy Candy Final Story, CCFS):

幸せにならないと承知しないからな……。

This sounded like a command from him. Literally, it means “if (you) must not be happy, (I) won’t forgive you…”

So he urged her to be happy even without him. As I have explained before, the word for happiness is about a person’s well-being. Often times, a woman’s happiness is associated with her satisfaction in life, especially her marriage. I believe, at that very moment, that was what Terry alluded.

But Terry was not the only male character who cared about Candy’s happiness. The night Albert regained his past memory, he went home with a heavy heart but found Candy devastated and asleep. As shown in the following manga scene (more details in the old post Favorite Scenes in Candy Candy manga (1)), he said in his mind that he wanted to make her happy.

Many, many months later, inside a hotel room somewhere in São Paulo, when Albert finally had time to himself in the early hours of a morning (around 2:00 am), rather than going to bed, he began writing a long, heartfelt letter to Candy. Near the end of this letter, his tone turned emotional when he expressed why he was grateful to Candy (see spoilers below)

…
Candy,
at that time, I was nothing more than a suspicious man without memory, with no identification.
But you didn’t leave me. You didn’t leave me even when you were fired from the hospital.
Your memories will surely come back, you kept my spirit up.
Just one time I have saved you, but you —.
I can never thank you enough.
I’m going to find out where your happiness lies.
I’ll certainly take a holiday and come to meet you when I’m back.
Bert

From the CCFS excerpt above, you can tell Albert had been immensely touched by Candy’s unflagging support and encouragement while he had been at his rock bottom. She had stayed by his side even after being fired by the hospital because of him. I said he sounded emotional in his writing because he described himself as nothing but a suspicious man, and he used the word misuteru (見捨てる), which means to abandon, give up, forsake, etc. This reminds me of the manga scene shown in A nice bride. Back then, being amnesiac, he had undoubtedly developed some feelings for Candy due to her sweetness to him, a man without memory and identity.

Now that Albert had fully recovered and returned to his normal life as the powerful family patriarch of the Ardlay clan, he still hadn’t forgotten Candy’s kindness to him. He wrote that he couldn’t thank her enough.

どんなに感謝しても、し尽くせない。

This is a common phrase, meaning “no matter how much I thank you, it isn’t enough”, which is used when people express their deep gratitude. I figure this explains why Albert purchased the land from Mr. Cartwright and paid for the reconstruction of Pony’s Home (see A generous present for your interest). As a matter of fact, prior to writing this letter, Albert had already done several things that had delighted Candy. For example, he had given her very special birthday presents. 😀 Yet, I think he honestly meant it when he said whatever he had done still weren’t enough. Then he wrote the following next:

僕はこれからも、きみの幸せがどこにあるのか見極めたいと思っている。

Literally, it means “I’m thinking, from now on, I want to investigate where your happiness is.”

Albert used the word mikiwameru (見極める), which means to get to the bottom of, get a clear picture of, see through, make sure, etc. In other words, he would strive to find out what really made Candy happy, whether it was the fulfillment of a wish or her dream coming true, and it seems that he wouldn’t give up until he knew the truth. Similar to the manga scene displayed above, Albert was serious about making Candy happy, but this time in CCFS, he explicitly told her in writing. What’s more, he said これからも (“from now on”), which implies that he would continue doing that indefinitely. This is consistent with the famous sandwich sharing scene in the manga, in which he had used the same phrase “from now on” as well.

What a contrast between Terry and Albert!! One wished her happiness and the other was committed to making her happy. Sigh…

If you were Candy, how would you feel reading such a letter from Prince on the Hill? No wonder she missed him so much and wanted to see him in person (see I wish you were here… for details).

Note that Albert didn’t necessarily mean he was the answer to her happiness. As mentioned in Endearing nickname, after his business trip to São Paulo, one day he appeared at Pony’s Home out of the blue and drove Candy to Lakewood. Later that day, he returned her diary back to her in the room where she had discovered his true identity. I will talk about the significance of this scene in a new post. For now, I will just say that Albert was happy if Candy was happy, even if it meant bringing her back to Terry somehow. Albert had done that once in the past when he had led her to Rockstown.

At any rate, Albert’s action reminds me of a quote I’ve read somewhere but forgot the exact wordings. It’s something like “I’m in love with you, and I give you my heart, but you don’t have to love me back.”